First!

Welcome! I started this post in my freshman-year dorm bed, sat upright, unable to sleep. Throughout the following days and weeks, I continued to edit this post, nervous about clicking "Publish" and trying to ensure that I could portray myself properly for my first-ever blog post. Finally, I decided it was good to go. I have always loved to write, whether through a random poem or nightly journal entry, and I knew someday I would have it in me to take it seriously, but for some reason, I just couldn't pull the trigger. The entirety of my time in high school was spent finding a way to make it to college. I told myself... maybe I'll start a business? Or start up a new chapter of a club at my school? Or get an internship in something in politics? I never found success nor passion in any of those shallow pursuits- I call them shallow because I had no true desire to do any of these things, but rather the real purpose was to build up my resume and get to college, where eventually, it would all work out. So, I studied. I held leadership positions in school clubs. I worked very hard. I got into UVA and now I am here. Despite a brutal admissions cycle with many rejections, I am here- at a top 25 university. I assumed that surely, everything would fall in front of me.

When you spend your high school years burning yourself out- running with the idea that you are so smart and so driven and so determined for success that you would entertain the idea of doing anything to just get to that top school- you lose yourself in the flames. This phenomenon that I was covered in my own ashes- and not in the beautiful phoenix type of way- only hit me when I had met someone here at school who said "so Fiona, tell me about yourself," and I quite literally froze (of course it was a guy). I know this is the dreaded question that we all prepare answers to for interviews, but I had never expected that I would need to answer such a question in a casual setting. I went on to tell this person about my family and my home state (shoutout New York), but when trying to find anything to share about myself, I could not find the words. I'd realized I spent so much time chasing a goal, building the academic that I am, and not enough time figuring out who I am and who I want to be. So, I will use this blog to find that.

Hi, I am Fiona, and I love to write. I don't know if I have a favorite color, but I say it's pink. I dream of living in a city like Boston and my favorite season is fall. I cry a lot- not because I am sad, but because I feel everything so deeply, and I think that is a beautiful thing, despite how painful it can be. I question God and the universe all the time. I wish I had all of the answers to everything. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I want to be successful like my mom. I wish I could connect with every person I encounter, learning their stories and picking their brain. I wish I could travel to every country, see every culture, and speak every language. I dream about love and romance, but I don't know if I'm ready for all of that. I don't have a favorite movie, but my favorite fictional character of all time is Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds. I have been going to therapy since I was 14, and I think that is why I process everything so intently and thoroughly. I am a perfectionist, but I am spontaneous. I love food and I love the gym. I wish I was a better reader. And, if you haven't figured it out by now, I am trying my best to figure it all out.

I keep telling myself to just start, so now I am writing, sharing, loving, expressing, and hopefully connecting. Before closing this out, I would like to use a quote that resonates with me and has driven me to start up this blog. "Medicine, law, business, engineering- these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love- these are what we stay alive for..." I have never even watched The Dead Poet's Society but I probably should, because I think about this quote all of the time. I like math and I like school and I like to learn... but I love to write. I love music and I love expression. I love feelings and emotions. I want to share that here and grow along the way. I am excited to share all of my epiphanies, all of my learning, and all of my love, and I hope I can inspire you to grow throughout the process- enjoy!